:]My eyes are small but they have seen the beauty of enormous things

These past few days have been great!

My time here is ending next Friday. I can't believe it.

Camp has been great this week. We have done so many fun things with the kids.

Monday was the best Monday by far! Usually Mondays are crazy because the kids come to camp after a weekend of no structure and sometimes no rules. They may not have received any attention so by this time they are starving for it...even if it is negative. This Monday I was really able to maintain my group. It took some work for Dion but hes doing so much better. There were a few times he got pretty upset but we talked about it and then he was better!

Yesterday we took the kids on a canoe adventure! It was so much fun! I will admit that I was very worried about it. I wondered who the first kids would be to flip their canoe or who would fall in. Thankfully, no one fell in. I was a little scared in my canoe. I had two 6 year olds. One of them, Leshia, was in front with the paddle.She was trying so hard but her little arms just couldn't turn the paddle correctly. And then little Larry was in the middle where he sat in the canoe so scared. It was really cute. There were a few issues. A few of us nicknamed yesterday tantrum Tuesday. ha ha so true.

Last night we(Hartford City Mission) had a benefit at Flatbread. Flatbread is a completely organic pizza restaurant. Steve played music and there was a slide show of camp all night long. The people working that night told us that last night was the best turn out for a benefit in a really long time( they have one every Tuesday) We are not sure how much we made but just in the donation box and donation cups on the tables was 120 dollars! so amazing.

Today was so interesting. My bed kinda broke last night so I woke up on a slightly slanted mattress. Rough morning. Ha ha. Then I went and picked up the lunches for camp( We are doing a free lunch program through the city) On my way home I passed our house by accident and was extremely confused. Then I got home and Brittany told me she desperately needed coffee. So we were quick like bunnies and sped off to get coffee for everyone! Camp was great. We went to this state park that taught us how to go fly fishing( we actually didn't get to go because the water was too high but now we know how) We also went on a mini nature hike. It was a lot of fun and the kids loved it.

Tonight was great. I took a nap and woke up to amazing dinner that one of our friends made us. Then we hung out for a bit. Eventually there was an intense sharpie fight. We did our daily examine but could not get through it without laughter. I have not laughed that hard in months. I was almost crying. I just thank God for fellowship and laughter.

Today was so awesome to sense God's presence even in the midst of confusion and situations that could potentially be frustrating! I really felt like I could rejoice even in the hard stuff.

It was also great talking to Sam tonight. A familiar voice from home is always good.

These next two days might be a bit nuts. Please just pray for energy and patience. Please ask God to calm my heart about the ending of camp. As much as I can't wait to go home and see everyone again, I am torn. I don't want to leave these beautiful children.
May God, who is a god who provides, a god of love, of patience, of joy, and of hope provide you with blessings and peace for the rest of the week!

Weekend Update

Yesterday went really well. Most of the kids went to the front of the room after we shared the Gospel message with them. It was beautiful. I talked to one of the girls in my group after. Her name is Leshia and she is amazing. She is 6 years old. She fully understands that her decision is to follow Jesus. Hearing that was so encouraging. If a 6 year old can have that kind of faith anyone can!

Last night we went to First Church for their end of VBS ceremony. So we went and they brought us interns on stage. For their service project the kids collected money for Hartford City Mission and donated 3 soccer balls to our camp! They raised almost 300 dollars! Wow!

After we went out to dinner with Todd and Tegan. It was so good to see them. It was so good to catch up with them. As good as the day was yesterday it was also really hard. My emotions were all over the place. I think a big reason for that was thinking about leaving and thinking that my time here is almost over...

Today was interesting...We went to prison. ahh! Actually we just went as visitors. One sunday a month this prison holds this event for guests to perform their poetry or raps/freestyles. Today Leah was one of the readers along with one of the high school volunteers.

One of Leah's poems was soooo powerful. She introduced us and then told the inmates what we were doing and where we were doing it. She then asked them how many of them were from the Northend of Hartford. An overwhelming amount of arms went up in the air. She then read her poem about us being with their children. It was so powerful. I just thought about the kids at camp and how some of their fathers are in prison. It was overwhelming to make that connection.

Curtis got up a little bit later and did a rap he just wrote. Curtis grew up and still lives in the northend. He shared that he was scared to be there. He shared that some of the dreadful things he has seen in his life. He related to them. He did such a good job. I knew that he could lead silly songs at camp and I knew that he could get the kids super excited but I never knew until today what he actually has lived through. It gave me a real life glimpse at what it is like to live here. I mean yes I have lived here for almost two months but it's a completly different situation.

We were talking later and Leah made a great point. Curtis beat the odds for this community. She said the first time Curtis ever went to prison he was not in shackles but he was empowering the inmates, he was proclaiming what God has done in his life. It was absolutley amazing.

Tonight I witnessed a real life fight outside of our house. I can honestly say that I am surpised that this was the first that I have seen. I am also very blessed to say that. God has surley protected us from danger this summer!

A new day...

Well today was a day of two extremes.

I did not want to get out of bed. It was pouring and I was cold and covered in my huge quilt. I woke up really overwhelmed with a really heavy heart. We discussed this morning how some of us feel burnt out because of how busy we are. Some of us also feel like we have not made much progress with the kids at camp. We just have to remember that this is the first time Hartford City Mission has put on a camp that lasted the whole summer...

Since it was rainy we did our bible story then showed a movie. After the bible story Steve had put together a hip hop beat for the kids to sing one of our songs to. The kids LOVED it. Eventually Steve asked if anyone danced and the kids went nuts! All of the kids just started chanting someones names right after another. They started with the staff and then went on to the other campers. It was beautiful. The kids were encouraging other and not fighting. I literally had tears in my eyes just watching this. It was the most beautiful chaotic situation ever! After that Leah decided it would be fun to play in the rain. So we told the kids to run outside and play! It was so much fun! The kids, interns and volunteers had a blast! It was awesome to actually play with them. I have never had so much fun playing in the rain then I did today! Before today I couldn't tell you when the last time I jumped in a puddle was!

Today camp was amazing. The best day so far...

After camp we came home and had dinner. Tonight was one of our last times to do some community outreach so Jim encouraged us to try something new today. We invited Dion, his mom and his brother over for dessert. (If you don't remember or if you are just starting to read this, Dion is the kid in my group who struggles with his behavior and who just has really been having a rough time at camp.) It was amazing. It seriously was so great to have them over. I just pray that we made an impact on that family.

Our day is pretty much over now. I have a bunch of reading to do and I have to prepare for a phone interview that I have scheduled for next week. (I am applying for a job at a preschool in San Diego)

I just have a few prayer requests:

Yesterday at camp we shared about Jesus and how he preformed miracles. I asked the kids in my group what kind of miracles they would like to see in Hartford. One of the kids said for the killing to stop. So please pray for that. Pray for the safety of these kids and their families.

Steve(another intern) just found out his Grandma has cancer. Please just pray for him and his family

Karl, a friend of all of the interns and a boyfriend to one, got word that his Grandma had a heart attack and was diagnosed with congestive heart failure.

Pia, a lady who has helped out teaching dance at camp, today her dad who has alzheimers has taken a turn for the worse.

We got all of this news throughout the day making the day a little bit harder. It's just pretty sad to see all of this. My heart goes out to those people and their families.

Also tomorrow is the day that we are sharing the gospel with the kids. We will be giving them an invitation to come to Christ. Please just pray for that. Pray that these kids will be changed by who Jesus is.

I'm super tired... time for bed!

Hey friends...

So it's been a while since I have updated last. Last time I wrote was last Monday...

Last week may have been one of the most stressful weeks here. There were a lot of issues at camp with kids and their behavior. Things have not really improved with Dion.It breaks my heart.

Last Tuesday we gave the high school volunteer assigned to my group the task to take Dion under his wing and form more of a one on one relationship with him. Halfway through the day Jeff gave up. UGH! This kid does not need anymore people to give up on him. He has been given up on too many times already. He needs to know he is loved. He needs to know that people do care about him. That was such a hard day. We came home and I cooked dinner. We ate a silent dinner in the basement and then had bible study. I got a chance to talk to Russel that night about my experiences as an intern and about camp. Russel used to live upstairs( until he got married about a month ago) He was also an intern for 2 years like 5 years ago. He now lives 2 doors down with his new wife) It was really good talking to him and hearing his encouraging words.

Wednesday we went to the state capitol for a tour. Half of the kids loved it.The other half well not so much. As for Dion...another rough day that led to him not being allowed at camp the next day. We hung out with the high school kids that night and went to a local church's VBS.

Thursday we went to Strattonbrook Park for another fun day of catching grasshoppers and soaking up some sun! The day went pretty well. It was calmer than usual.

Friday was a different day. Instead of doing the regular camp schedule we cleaned up the park. It was a little frustrating in that my helpers for the day wanted nothing to do with cleaning. It was also a little frustrating that none of the kids would listen to me and were just going absolutely nuts! I actually had to yell. And if you guys know me at well...you know that I don't like to yell. I was really just upset about having to raise my voice. That night we went out to dinner with Leah and her daughter. It was really fun just to go out with her and hang out. She is so encouraging.

Saturday was open house. It was fun...but hard. so hard. To see everyones family and to be awkwardly standing around with other peoples families was just super depressing. I mean it's expected being the one from California so far away from her friends and family. That night we saw the new Batman movie. I didn't really like it too much. Too violent.

Sunday we went to church and I took an amazing nap. We had our book discussion and then we had our weekly debrief. Because we all napped we were all super silly. It was hilarious. Me and Patti then went to the basement and had girl time. It was awesome. Just to hang out was amazing.

Today camp was better than every day last week but still a bit nuts. Dion was sent home. I don't even know where to go with him. Its just really sad...

Sorry this is so long...haha a lot happened.

Only 18 days left in Hartford... weird.

Please just be praying for the camp and the kids.

I love you

ps can't wait for road trip part 2

Your story is so important!

Hello from Hartford!
I am learning so much here! God is showing me so much! I hope God is teaching you guys a lot as well!
Today I realized how important it is to share your story. I have a kid in my small group at camp who is quite a challenge. He is an awesome kid, but very angry sometimes. Today was a hard day for him. As the day grew a little bit more chaotic I grew a little bit more frustrated but also a little bit more concerned.

He had isolated himself away from the group after I told my group that because of their behavior we would not be going to the playground (I was not their favorite person after that haha) He blamed himself for this and I told him that it was everyones decisions and behaviors who made this happen. It was no ones fault alone.

I began to tell him how I felt upset about having to do that. I explained to him that when I was his age and even older I thought everything was my fault. I told him that he was so loved and that he is valuable. I told him that he could come to me for anything. He still looked pretty upset after like 15 minutes of trying to calm him down and I again asked him if he wanted to talk about anything. Well he did.

He shared with me a little bit of his story. He also is adopted. He told me his feelings about it.I then shared my story about that with him. I think he was surprised that we, two different people from very different places, actually had something in common. It was encouraging to see him open up about more of his feelings after I shared my story with him. I really feel like this was a breakthrough. I really feel like God used me to get through to him.

I was on the verge of tears just talking to him. Our story is so different...but some of the feelings and emotions we feel about our adoptions is pretty close.

I want to encourage all of you to share your story. Embrace who you God is making you! Your past is important to the person you are becoming! I learned that sharing your story, getting vulnerable, and stepping out of your comfort zone is so important!

Love you guys!

Please just be praying for this amazing kid. If you want to pray by name his name is Dion. Please just pray for me as well and the relationships between him and the rest of my group.

The weekend!

Friday after camp we set out for New Hampshire for our getaway weekend! I can't even describe how perfect the timing of this trip was for all of us. It was so good to just go to a new place together and take the weekend to relax and reflect.

The area we were in was nothing short of amazing. The cabin we were staying at was beautiful. It wasn't just the cabin though it was the fact that the cabin was surrounded by trees and this amazing lake! The way the sun reflected off the lake . On Saturday morning we took out some kayaks. I did some quiet time floating around the lake. It was so calming. I couldn't help but be rememinded of when Jesus calmed the storm. Last week was so hard. One of the "stormiest" weeks I have had here. I just sat in the kayak in the calm waters and was so convinced that Jesus was calming my "storm"

Eventually we all got back to the house and hung out for a while. We ate breakfast and just hung out. Then we officially started our day. We did a bible study which then led us into our reflection. Our mission was to spend about 4 and a half hours alone. Just us and God. I took out the kayak again. I spent about 3 and a half hours on the lake just reflecting on how God has worked in my life and how God is still working. I took a big portion of that time just to pray. I can't even begin to explain what yesterday meant to me. I realize that it is so important to have these times where it is just me and God. It is so refreshing to forget everything and open up to God. I encourage you all to try this. Take an afternoon. Devote it to Jesus. You will love it.

I will admit it was hard at first to focus. First of all how many people have the chance to set apart 5 hours in one day? It was so hard not to focus on camp or on just other random things that didn't matter at the moment. I had a lot of trouble at the start but it did get easier. It was just me in God in that boat. He had my full attention and I had his.

We went to some random fair last night too. Nothing special. We thought hot air balloons were going to be lifted but it was too windy...so we left. After we got home we did our weekly debrief. So needed. Let me just tell you how great it was to share some of the things that I have been struggling with. It was also great to hear from everybody else how God was working in their lives and what this weekend meant to them. We had an extended time of prayer where we just prayed for each other. It was great. To be this engaged in community is more amazing everyday.

Today we all woke up and went to blueberry island(an island in the middle of the lake that we named blueberry island because it grew blueberries) We hung out there and jumped off rocks into the lake. It was so much fun. So out of my element and I loved it! We went back to the cabin and played some games and did random things before the second part of our reflection time.

Jim gave us all a peice of paper on it. We wrote our names on it and set it on the table. Everyone grabbed someone elses paper and wrote on one side words encouragement and on the other side some challenges. We all traded papers until everyone was done. After that we took some time to read them and they were so encouraging. Jims encouragement and challenge was great to read. He challenged me not to be afraid of continuing to take risks or continuing th strive for growth. He encouraged me to trust God in the midst of the scary places and trust that God will bring me through and grow me in this process.

Something else that was very encouraging was how many times people commented on my empathy. Since the SOMA confrence at church I have pondered how much I see my stregnths and how much other people see it. I guess it really is my number 1 haha!

The drive home was long. It was only like 2 and a half to 3 hours but 5 people in a small car...not very comfortable. It did make me miss the amazing road trip. It also made me very excited to know that in a month I will be back on the road! Yayyy!!

I am about to go to bed. One of the things God has called me to this weekend is to spend more time with him. So I am going to bed early so I can get up early and have some extended me and Jesus time!

I hope you guys are enjoying your summer as much as I am enjoying mine.

Thanks again for all of your encouragement and all of your prayers!

A little prayer request...

Last night wrote about how there were just some days that I wonder how God is working in my life...well I guess I don't have to wonder for a while.


He has revealed to me that I have a lot to work through. I spent about a half hour in the car with Leah (Camp Director) crying and talking through things like relationships, and confidence, and school and so many other things. I think its funny that this week I am the intern who is in charge of lessons and the theme just so happens to be about building relationships. And that is the issue God has brought to my attention. He picked a pretty good time to reveal that to me...but I must admit that doing that right before camp was about to start was a bit inconvenient ...haha God's funny like that.

I would love to go into more detail but I don't really know where to start. This is also something that I need to work through before I really go into detail. I think right now my task is to just pray about these things and be in constant communication with God.

So friends, please just be praying for me. Specifically for reconciliation of certain relationships and confidence.

Even though today has been hard and what God brought to my attention was a bit overwhelming, I am so thankful to see that He is working in my life and He is teaching me.

every day is different!

Well, it's the end to another long week.

I think back and I wonder what I actually did. Camp was a little crazy this week but when is it not. Everyday my love for these kids grows. The times of anger and tears and the fact that the just don't listen all the time is nothing compared to every smile, every laugh, and every simple little question! Those moments fill my heart with so much joy.

This weekend was super restful and so needed. No camp on friday because of the 4th of July. We spent saturday going to the movies and then went to downtown Hartford to watch the fireworks( they do fireworks the saturday after the 4th out here...so weird) I met so many people this weekend and had great conversations with people! I love it here!

This week is my week to plan camp. I stayed up pretty late the other night just preparing my bible stories and the skits for the week. I am really excited for this. Please pray that the week goes well.

In our debrief exercise tonight Jim layed out a bunch of pictures on a table. He asked us What we felt like God was asking us to give up to draw nearer to him. We do this every week with a different question each time but this one really got to me. I had a really hard time picking a picture. Eventually I picked a picture of a set of keys. No, God is not asking me to give up my keys. Its really hard to explain even now but I feel like God is asking me to give up control. He is asking me to pull over and give him control of the "car"
Haha I could make this really cheesey and title this update as "Jesus take the wheel" but I wont.

I have noticed that there are just some days that I wonder what God is doing in my life. There are days where I feel like I have learned very little but then there are nights like tonight where God asks me to give up control.

Busy week ahead! please continue to pray for me and my team!

love is strong, It's been there holding you all along

Where do I even start.

Sunday-
Church- We went to a church service that was over 3 hours long. It was so amazing. The people, music, preaching...all great. It has been really cool to attend churches that are in this community. It really is a nice way to get to know the city a little bit better!
Jesus for President- That was so awesome. I wish I would have been able to sit and talk to Shane and Chris a little bit more but they were awesome. Hearing them speak was amazing. The music that went along with their lecture was so fun. We got to see their veggie oil bus and eat dinner with them.

Monday-
Camp was a little crazy but it was expected beacause it was the first day of the week.
Moses- Okay so in our basement we have a whole bunch of HUGE wooden bible characters. So we thought it would be a good idea to put the giant moses on top of the house of the director of Hartford City Mission. So us interns and Jim-our boss walked to their house and put moses on the roof. It was pretty hilarious.

Tuesday
Crazy camp day again.
My night to cook dinner. It was so relaxing. I just blasted The Robbie Seay Band and cooked dinner.
Bible study- It was the last night of the book of Amos...We start James next week. We had some really good prayer after and just great discussion.

Today
Went to a meeting for a camping trip thing we want to do with our kids.
Camp- Took the kids swimming! So fun! I thought it was going to be crazy but it turned out to be a blast. One of the kids couldn't swim so I tried to teach him. I'm sure i wasn't the best teacher but he wanted to learn so bad. He couldn't really get the hang of it but he did get better. He was pretty frustrated but I encouraged him by telling him that it's hard at first but with enough practice he will learn.He promised me that he wouldn't give up! I promised him that I would keep helping.
Community Outreach- We helped a young couple move very heavy items from their third floor apartment to their new third floor apartment down the street. It was awesome to be able to help them but I just wish I was a tad bit stronger.

And now here I sit wondering where the week has gone. It is already almost thursday and I can't believe it. Today was a little rough. Camp went well. I feel like I did really well connecting with the kids and even the high school volunteers. I just found myself feeling pretty insecure about like where I am at with school or where I am at in terms of a job when I get back. Or where am I going to live. I totally want to live in community with other followers of Christ because just in the past month it has been such an awesome experience.

I'm not going to lie, it's pretty difficult, especially on days like today to be away from everyone. I mean like my friends and my family. I have missed home lately but at the same time I am loving it here. I feel like I am growing so much in my relationship with Christ and I am having a blast. Falling asleep is never easy here. The noise of the city and just the fears that run through my mind are pretty tough to ignore even as I drown them out with music.

Everynight during evening prayer we explain a time of the day where we saw God and a time during the day where we missed God. This could be anything. For instance a time where you saw God could just be a time where you really felt his presence or that he was speaking. Or just in seeing the beauty of nature or anything like that. Missing God is anywhere that you feel like God was just not there during or you ignored him, or anything like that. Today my seeing God moment was in the pool teaching Jabrel how to swim and just seeing how much he wanted it. He wasn't giving up. It was encouraging and I saw God teaching me something in that. I missed God during the day just not feeling adequate enough and just trying to find my place in the world and in this summer. Just feeling discouraged. I should have depended on Him in those moments but I didn't.

That practice is what we call The Daily Examine. I really encourage you all to try it. We do it every night. It really helps me acknowledge the work God is doing in my life but also helps me realize the stuff I need to work on in my relationship with Him

I should go to bed seeing that I pretty tired and have a long day tomorrow!