Be gentle with me Jesus as you tear me apart...

Today, well...it was rough. I was so excited for camp to start. I am still excited for camp with these kids. We were all running around on not much sleep and too much coffee. It was a pretty entertaining thing to watch I must say.

Before we headed to the pond house(where camp is) we prayed in a group with all of the interns, directors of the camp, and all the high school volunteers...Let me just say that that was the most powerful prayer that I have ever been involved in. We have been called to love these kids. It was moving to see how many people came to help out.

Camp started crazy and unorganized...it's expected on the first day. The kids started showing up and we were all pumped. As I introduced myself to them and as I met my group I was so excited. I would be their leader for the rest of the summer. Amazing. Soon after I became discouraged when one of the kids in my group wanted nothing to do with camp or with me/other interns. As my friend Steve talked to him he felt more comfortable and I realized that it was probably because Steve is a guy and I'm a girl. It makes sense and I understood. I was still honestly a little bummed and felt like I wasn't doing enough to make Dion comfortable but I accepted it and went on with things.

We made anti-violence posters next and this is where my heart began to break. I was making my poster that said Violence is not the answer, Jesus is and I watched a young girl write :Stop the shooting. And then I witnessed a conversation of two young girls talking about how one of their uncles got shot and they went to the funeral. At that moment I had no idea how to respond. I felt sad. I felt angry. I missed God in that moment. I wondered where he was in that situation and wondered why these girls had gone through this.

The rest of the afternoon was kind of a blur. I had to stop myself from crying several times. I couldn't show the kids how much their pain became my pain. I got through the day and we went back to the house. Eventually I found myself in my closet praying. Eventually I was crying on my bottom bunk bed area feeling so sad and lost and unsure. Brittany walked in the room in a very simalar state like I was in. We sat on my bed crying and discussing the day. She told me about a girl who was in her group crying because she was afraid she would be the next in her neighborhood to get shot. She then told me about a beautiful moment where she took the girl in a room and the little girl prayed out loud for God's love and comfort. We were called out to dinner and the two others( Steve and Patti) asked us how the day went for us and we told them with tears in our eyes that we would tell them later. We finished eating and then talked about it. More tears but we needed to lay what happened on the table.

Evening prayer time was much needed too. We went around the room talking about where we saw God today and where we missed God today. We prayed for the kids and we prayed for each other.

Tomorrow is day two of camp. Please pray for all of us interns and everyone else involved. My heart has never felt this broken before

Thank you to everyone who has been praying for me. I love you guys.