Monday, July 21, 2008

Hey friends...

So it's been a while since I have updated last. Last time I wrote was last Monday...

Last week may have been one of the most stressful weeks here. There were a lot of issues at camp with kids and their behavior. Things have not really improved with Dion.It breaks my heart.

Last Tuesday we gave the high school volunteer assigned to my group the task to take Dion under his wing and form more of a one on one relationship with him. Halfway through the day Jeff gave up. UGH! This kid does not need anymore people to give up on him. He has been given up on too many times already. He needs to know he is loved. He needs to know that people do care about him. That was such a hard day. We came home and I cooked dinner. We ate a silent dinner in the basement and then had bible study. I got a chance to talk to Russel that night about my experiences as an intern and about camp. Russel used to live upstairs( until he got married about a month ago) He was also an intern for 2 years like 5 years ago. He now lives 2 doors down with his new wife) It was really good talking to him and hearing his encouraging words.

Wednesday we went to the state capitol for a tour. Half of the kids loved it.The other half well not so much. As for Dion...another rough day that led to him not being allowed at camp the next day. We hung out with the high school kids that night and went to a local church's VBS.

Thursday we went to Strattonbrook Park for another fun day of catching grasshoppers and soaking up some sun! The day went pretty well. It was calmer than usual.

Friday was a different day. Instead of doing the regular camp schedule we cleaned up the park. It was a little frustrating in that my helpers for the day wanted nothing to do with cleaning. It was also a little frustrating that none of the kids would listen to me and were just going absolutely nuts! I actually had to yell. And if you guys know me at well...you know that I don't like to yell. I was really just upset about having to raise my voice. That night we went out to dinner with Leah and her daughter. It was really fun just to go out with her and hang out. She is so encouraging.

Saturday was open house. It was fun...but hard. so hard. To see everyones family and to be awkwardly standing around with other peoples families was just super depressing. I mean it's expected being the one from California so far away from her friends and family. That night we saw the new Batman movie. I didn't really like it too much. Too violent.

Sunday we went to church and I took an amazing nap. We had our book discussion and then we had our weekly debrief. Because we all napped we were all super silly. It was hilarious. Me and Patti then went to the basement and had girl time. It was awesome. Just to hang out was amazing.

Today camp was better than every day last week but still a bit nuts. Dion was sent home. I don't even know where to go with him. Its just really sad...

Sorry this is so long...haha a lot happened.

Only 18 days left in Hartford... weird.

Please just be praying for the camp and the kids.

I love you

ps can't wait for road trip part 2

Monday, July 14, 2008

Your story is so important!

Hello from Hartford!
I am learning so much here! God is showing me so much! I hope God is teaching you guys a lot as well!
Today I realized how important it is to share your story. I have a kid in my small group at camp who is quite a challenge. He is an awesome kid, but very angry sometimes. Today was a hard day for him. As the day grew a little bit more chaotic I grew a little bit more frustrated but also a little bit more concerned.

He had isolated himself away from the group after I told my group that because of their behavior we would not be going to the playground (I was not their favorite person after that haha) He blamed himself for this and I told him that it was everyones decisions and behaviors who made this happen. It was no ones fault alone.

I began to tell him how I felt upset about having to do that. I explained to him that when I was his age and even older I thought everything was my fault. I told him that he was so loved and that he is valuable. I told him that he could come to me for anything. He still looked pretty upset after like 15 minutes of trying to calm him down and I again asked him if he wanted to talk about anything. Well he did.

He shared with me a little bit of his story. He also is adopted. He told me his feelings about it.I then shared my story about that with him. I think he was surprised that we, two different people from very different places, actually had something in common. It was encouraging to see him open up about more of his feelings after I shared my story with him. I really feel like this was a breakthrough. I really feel like God used me to get through to him.

I was on the verge of tears just talking to him. Our story is so different...but some of the feelings and emotions we feel about our adoptions is pretty close.

I want to encourage all of you to share your story. Embrace who you God is making you! Your past is important to the person you are becoming! I learned that sharing your story, getting vulnerable, and stepping out of your comfort zone is so important!

Love you guys!

Please just be praying for this amazing kid. If you want to pray by name his name is Dion. Please just pray for me as well and the relationships between him and the rest of my group.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

The weekend!

Friday after camp we set out for New Hampshire for our getaway weekend! I can't even describe how perfect the timing of this trip was for all of us. It was so good to just go to a new place together and take the weekend to relax and reflect.

The area we were in was nothing short of amazing. The cabin we were staying at was beautiful. It wasn't just the cabin though it was the fact that the cabin was surrounded by trees and this amazing lake! The way the sun reflected off the lake . On Saturday morning we took out some kayaks. I did some quiet time floating around the lake. It was so calming. I couldn't help but be rememinded of when Jesus calmed the storm. Last week was so hard. One of the "stormiest" weeks I have had here. I just sat in the kayak in the calm waters and was so convinced that Jesus was calming my "storm"

Eventually we all got back to the house and hung out for a while. We ate breakfast and just hung out. Then we officially started our day. We did a bible study which then led us into our reflection. Our mission was to spend about 4 and a half hours alone. Just us and God. I took out the kayak again. I spent about 3 and a half hours on the lake just reflecting on how God has worked in my life and how God is still working. I took a big portion of that time just to pray. I can't even begin to explain what yesterday meant to me. I realize that it is so important to have these times where it is just me and God. It is so refreshing to forget everything and open up to God. I encourage you all to try this. Take an afternoon. Devote it to Jesus. You will love it.

I will admit it was hard at first to focus. First of all how many people have the chance to set apart 5 hours in one day? It was so hard not to focus on camp or on just other random things that didn't matter at the moment. I had a lot of trouble at the start but it did get easier. It was just me in God in that boat. He had my full attention and I had his.

We went to some random fair last night too. Nothing special. We thought hot air balloons were going to be lifted but it was too windy...so we left. After we got home we did our weekly debrief. So needed. Let me just tell you how great it was to share some of the things that I have been struggling with. It was also great to hear from everybody else how God was working in their lives and what this weekend meant to them. We had an extended time of prayer where we just prayed for each other. It was great. To be this engaged in community is more amazing everyday.

Today we all woke up and went to blueberry island(an island in the middle of the lake that we named blueberry island because it grew blueberries) We hung out there and jumped off rocks into the lake. It was so much fun. So out of my element and I loved it! We went back to the cabin and played some games and did random things before the second part of our reflection time.

Jim gave us all a peice of paper on it. We wrote our names on it and set it on the table. Everyone grabbed someone elses paper and wrote on one side words encouragement and on the other side some challenges. We all traded papers until everyone was done. After that we took some time to read them and they were so encouraging. Jims encouragement and challenge was great to read. He challenged me not to be afraid of continuing to take risks or continuing th strive for growth. He encouraged me to trust God in the midst of the scary places and trust that God will bring me through and grow me in this process.

Something else that was very encouraging was how many times people commented on my empathy. Since the SOMA confrence at church I have pondered how much I see my stregnths and how much other people see it. I guess it really is my number 1 haha!

The drive home was long. It was only like 2 and a half to 3 hours but 5 people in a small car...not very comfortable. It did make me miss the amazing road trip. It also made me very excited to know that in a month I will be back on the road! Yayyy!!

I am about to go to bed. One of the things God has called me to this weekend is to spend more time with him. So I am going to bed early so I can get up early and have some extended me and Jesus time!

I hope you guys are enjoying your summer as much as I am enjoying mine.

Thanks again for all of your encouragement and all of your prayers!

Monday, July 7, 2008

A little prayer request...

Last night wrote about how there were just some days that I wonder how God is working in my life...well I guess I don't have to wonder for a while.


He has revealed to me that I have a lot to work through. I spent about a half hour in the car with Leah (Camp Director) crying and talking through things like relationships, and confidence, and school and so many other things. I think its funny that this week I am the intern who is in charge of lessons and the theme just so happens to be about building relationships. And that is the issue God has brought to my attention. He picked a pretty good time to reveal that to me...but I must admit that doing that right before camp was about to start was a bit inconvenient ...haha God's funny like that.

I would love to go into more detail but I don't really know where to start. This is also something that I need to work through before I really go into detail. I think right now my task is to just pray about these things and be in constant communication with God.

So friends, please just be praying for me. Specifically for reconciliation of certain relationships and confidence.

Even though today has been hard and what God brought to my attention was a bit overwhelming, I am so thankful to see that He is working in my life and He is teaching me.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

every day is different!

Well, it's the end to another long week.

I think back and I wonder what I actually did. Camp was a little crazy this week but when is it not. Everyday my love for these kids grows. The times of anger and tears and the fact that the just don't listen all the time is nothing compared to every smile, every laugh, and every simple little question! Those moments fill my heart with so much joy.

This weekend was super restful and so needed. No camp on friday because of the 4th of July. We spent saturday going to the movies and then went to downtown Hartford to watch the fireworks( they do fireworks the saturday after the 4th out here...so weird) I met so many people this weekend and had great conversations with people! I love it here!

This week is my week to plan camp. I stayed up pretty late the other night just preparing my bible stories and the skits for the week. I am really excited for this. Please pray that the week goes well.

In our debrief exercise tonight Jim layed out a bunch of pictures on a table. He asked us What we felt like God was asking us to give up to draw nearer to him. We do this every week with a different question each time but this one really got to me. I had a really hard time picking a picture. Eventually I picked a picture of a set of keys. No, God is not asking me to give up my keys. Its really hard to explain even now but I feel like God is asking me to give up control. He is asking me to pull over and give him control of the "car"
Haha I could make this really cheesey and title this update as "Jesus take the wheel" but I wont.

I have noticed that there are just some days that I wonder what God is doing in my life. There are days where I feel like I have learned very little but then there are nights like tonight where God asks me to give up control.

Busy week ahead! please continue to pray for me and my team!

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

love is strong, It's been there holding you all along

Where do I even start.

Sunday-
Church- We went to a church service that was over 3 hours long. It was so amazing. The people, music, preaching...all great. It has been really cool to attend churches that are in this community. It really is a nice way to get to know the city a little bit better!
Jesus for President- That was so awesome. I wish I would have been able to sit and talk to Shane and Chris a little bit more but they were awesome. Hearing them speak was amazing. The music that went along with their lecture was so fun. We got to see their veggie oil bus and eat dinner with them.

Monday-
Camp was a little crazy but it was expected beacause it was the first day of the week.
Moses- Okay so in our basement we have a whole bunch of HUGE wooden bible characters. So we thought it would be a good idea to put the giant moses on top of the house of the director of Hartford City Mission. So us interns and Jim-our boss walked to their house and put moses on the roof. It was pretty hilarious.

Tuesday
Crazy camp day again.
My night to cook dinner. It was so relaxing. I just blasted The Robbie Seay Band and cooked dinner.
Bible study- It was the last night of the book of Amos...We start James next week. We had some really good prayer after and just great discussion.

Today
Went to a meeting for a camping trip thing we want to do with our kids.
Camp- Took the kids swimming! So fun! I thought it was going to be crazy but it turned out to be a blast. One of the kids couldn't swim so I tried to teach him. I'm sure i wasn't the best teacher but he wanted to learn so bad. He couldn't really get the hang of it but he did get better. He was pretty frustrated but I encouraged him by telling him that it's hard at first but with enough practice he will learn.He promised me that he wouldn't give up! I promised him that I would keep helping.
Community Outreach- We helped a young couple move very heavy items from their third floor apartment to their new third floor apartment down the street. It was awesome to be able to help them but I just wish I was a tad bit stronger.

And now here I sit wondering where the week has gone. It is already almost thursday and I can't believe it. Today was a little rough. Camp went well. I feel like I did really well connecting with the kids and even the high school volunteers. I just found myself feeling pretty insecure about like where I am at with school or where I am at in terms of a job when I get back. Or where am I going to live. I totally want to live in community with other followers of Christ because just in the past month it has been such an awesome experience.

I'm not going to lie, it's pretty difficult, especially on days like today to be away from everyone. I mean like my friends and my family. I have missed home lately but at the same time I am loving it here. I feel like I am growing so much in my relationship with Christ and I am having a blast. Falling asleep is never easy here. The noise of the city and just the fears that run through my mind are pretty tough to ignore even as I drown them out with music.

Everynight during evening prayer we explain a time of the day where we saw God and a time during the day where we missed God. This could be anything. For instance a time where you saw God could just be a time where you really felt his presence or that he was speaking. Or just in seeing the beauty of nature or anything like that. Missing God is anywhere that you feel like God was just not there during or you ignored him, or anything like that. Today my seeing God moment was in the pool teaching Jabrel how to swim and just seeing how much he wanted it. He wasn't giving up. It was encouraging and I saw God teaching me something in that. I missed God during the day just not feeling adequate enough and just trying to find my place in the world and in this summer. Just feeling discouraged. I should have depended on Him in those moments but I didn't.

That practice is what we call The Daily Examine. I really encourage you all to try it. We do it every night. It really helps me acknowledge the work God is doing in my life but also helps me realize the stuff I need to work on in my relationship with Him

I should go to bed seeing that I pretty tired and have a long day tomorrow!

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Day of rest

Today was our sabbath day! Let me tell you it was so restful!

We woke up with no set plans just a mood for adventure. We met up with Karl( Brittany's boyfriend) and Ana. Ana took us to this amazing place she goes to all the time. I have never seen anything like it. We hiked through the trees and through a river. Honestly it was so amazingly beautiful. We found this area that was a little scary for me but I made it down with their help. That was such a good moment. To hear their encouragement and to just let go my fears as they guided my steps and balance was just awesome! I feel like that was such a growing experience in that little 5 minute ordeal. We went back to Ana's and did some hot tubbing and then dinner. After we went out for ice cream and then back home. The day was great. Spending the day in nature like that really can recharge a person!

Tomorrow we are going to church and then we are working on the "Jesus for President" tour event that HCM is hosting! Yes!! I am so excited to meet Shane Claiborne!

Things at camp are getting so much better. I am forming relationships with the kids in my group and am starting to feel a lot more comfortable with what I am doing. I am really loving it even though it is super stressful at times. These kids mean the world to me! I feel a deep connection with my kids.

I have been reading the Hartford Courant(the news paper) and it seems like things are getting pretty nuts recently. Just the other night we heard a high speed chase out our windows. Someone was shot a few days ago and according to the newspaper 2 more on thursday. Please just be praying for the city of Hartford. Please be praying for the saftey of the children of Hartford. Please pray for me and the other interns!

I hope everything is great in San Diego!

<3
Julie!